I had my first (frontal) confrontation the other day. The first recently, or perhaps even, in my whole life. This confrontation involves all emotions and no diplomacy. The first time ever I lost myself in a near-public place.

To conceal names and to cut long story short - There was a problem with the delivery of a task. The task should have taken more than a day to complete but this person was asking it to be delivered in quite literally 24 hours. Voices raised and things heated up a little. It is really easy to blame other people and that exactly what this particular person of authority did. It actually only proves that my hunch about this particular person is right.

I know, I should have known better and not carried away with emotions. So, one thing I notice is that I still need to learn more. The next thing that got me thinking is: shouldn't those in position of authority known better? The simple answer to it is: No.

Reality really bites me in the arse, these days. Seeing more people in different kinds, shapes and attitudes opens my eyes to the world. This is more than just working with people from different cultures and having different work ethics. It is also about different motivations, goals and ambitions. It is all about the politics and getting to the top.

Like other life challenges I have faced before, this little hiccup in life you just shrug it off and move on. Look at the bright side, I know myself better, I taste what the real world is like a little more and hopefully next time I can be a little bit wiser.

*sigh* C'est La Vie.

The role of the leader does differ from the role of the manager. Allen J. Huth (Born to lead or made to manage- we need both) says the major differences between leaders and managers are “leaders have willing followers and managers get result through other people; leaders use influence and managers must have authority; leaders earn the right to lead from followers and with managers, the right to manage is granted by ownership; leaders ask (cannot use coercion) and managers tell (must be able to use coercion); leaders have personal power and managers have position power; and finally, leaders intend to make changes whereas managers produce goods and services.”

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What are one's reasons to go on an internship? To experience new environment, starting on a new adventure, experiencing 'culture shock', getting out of comfort zone, pushing boundaries, grow and develop as a person with being exposed to different culture and meeting lots of new people.

Right.

I just realised - in my two weeks working - that I am actually experiencing all of the above. Working in Jakarta - means getting out of my comfort zone, pushing my boundaries, meeting lots of new people, and apparently ... experiencing culture shock. Little did I know - this is actually challenging!

The latter is the last thing I'd expect. How "culturally shocked" can you be when you're re-integrating? Looking closer, I have been in my comfort zone for way too long. Now I'm feeling the feeling of international MC, too. When you're the 'odd one out' and trying to fit in because you have a different point of view, working style and sense of humour.

The difference is, in AIESEC the people around you realise this, they come prepared with all sorts of theories and strategies and they are making the effort to make the internationals feel comfortable and making sure that they are settling in just fine. Right now - I am the one who need to realise and nip it in the bud before it grows into something else altogether. At first I was in denial that I am experiencing culture shock, but I guess it is now time to make the necessary adjustment if I want to survive. It's almost like a jungle, right? Survival of the fittest!

MCP term softens the bumpy transition ride a bit. But still ... Welcome to the real world.

Wow, the things you learn everyday.

I can't sleep last night as I was overly excited. My birthday is coming up (err.. actually it's like two and a half months away), and it's my big 2-5. So, I want to do something a bit different this time. You know - twenty five years old, quarter-life crisis, the need to do something larger than life, something to prove yourself. Besides, this would be the first time in ages I'd spend my birthday in Jakarta.

I was thinking, it might be a good idea to do something that I desperately would like to do for a long time, something that is a bit challenging. Going to Europe, though, is not an option. Hehe. Backpacking around the world is a tad expensive. Skydiving would be pretty sweet, but I don't really trust skydivers here in Jakarta or Indonesia as a whole (pardon me, I have not seen or heard enough to earn credibility). Bungy jumping is overrated and is not really my thing.

I was thinking about hiking! I'd like to hike at some point of time in my life, I just don't have the physique (and will for that matter) for it. I hate climbing hills! I remember my time in Wellington - people had to drag me down to town and cheat me not to take the taxi up. I'd be left far behind when we're climbing up the stairs and hills. I'd be breathless just taking up the stairs to the flat. I had to say no to any activities that requires an extensive walking uphill (unless there is absolutely no other way that I can dodge it). Yes yes, you past residents of 100 Kelburn Parade must be familiar with this.

So, I thought this decision is quite revolutionary. I don't know which mountain to hike though and who's coming with me (any takers?). Maybe Mount Bromo? I would LOVE to come back to New Zealand to do the Tongariro Crossing, but that has to wait for a wee while I reckon. From now til January - I'll be training for this. And that mountain has to be climbed before my 26th birthday in 2010!

What a random thing to keep me awake all night.

As a Chinese-Indonesian, I grew up with the Pribumi kids (indigenous people of Indonesia) at the back of my house calling me, "Cina, lu!" When translated into English - there is nothing wrong with it, they're calling me a Chinese. But it's probably as offensive as the word 'Nigger' in the US to call an African-American or the word 'Eskimo' in Canada to call the Inuit.

Well, I'm used to it. I'm here not to talk about inter-race relations or any of that sort. I want to rant about being different from other people.

Having different point of views, needs, wants and priorities. Girls at my age in my circle of friends, in my geographic region (discounting the AIESECers) would have either 1) Engagged or getting engaged 2) Married or getting married 3) Started their working lives 4) Pursuing their Masters degree. Normally, they'd still live with their parents in their parent's house but if they're married they will be with their husbands of course. There is nothing wrong with it obviously and it is completely normal.

But apparently.... what's not normal is at this age, having stayed overseas away from the family for reasons other than to study. Having graduated for a couple of years but working unpaid for an NGO. Wanting to go to the other side of the world leaving parents, friends and a comfortable life for traveling, seeing the world and leading a small, tough life on a shoestring budget.

Wow - surprise, surprise! Okay, I have to admit the last one does sound a bit weird. But isn't it what we called having a choice in life? Yes, I am different for wanting different things than 'normal' kids want and do. What is normal anyway? I say the definition is very subjective. You cannot possibly judge me not loving my family just because I want to go for an adventure, right? Give me a friggin' break!

People sacrifice different things in different forms for the things they love. You don't expect to get anything back when you sacrifice, ain't it? I can pull a perfect example of this out of my hat. Or is it just me who has altrustic mind a tad too much? But why now I feel I'm the selfish one just because I want to make a decision in my own life? Do I have to be a bit selfless? Or do someone need a parenting lesson?

Why can't we just respect each other's choice in life and be happy and merry and live in peace? I don't think it's a crime for wanting something different that other people want. My only crime is having seen the world and met people who opens my mind and worldview.

So, sue me.

Two months into my reintegration back to my 'home country' is not easy, but definitely not as hard as I thought it would be. Being able to reconnect back to old friends (some I have not met in 12 years - since I left primary school), having conversations with friends and families in a whole new different level, finding new friends and doing things that I never had the time for in the past are some of the things that makes this reintegration process a lot smoother.

Of course there are many many times when I miss being able to walk along Lambton Quay at 2 pm on a Saturday for window shopping. Or going for a Sunday brunch. Or just hanging around at Te Papa and then walking along the waterfront on a lazy summer afternoon. Oh, dont forget the coffees. At very odd times, the smell of Twinning's Earl Grey reminds me of my work place, the smell of Nescafe Classic reminds me of the MC's office and everytime I listen to Elemeno P, I remembered about you party people *I know I know, how could you not?*- you know who you are. There are so many other reasons why I thought re-integration is hard, very hard indeed, for me.

I used to think Jakarta is a wild, useless city where people at my age are only into partying, prettying up and spending money on the most unnecessary things on the name of beauty, fashion and status. Young people of no opinion and have no care in the world's issues. Shallow people with big ego in nice dresses. This is what I saw at my 3-weeks-at-the-very-most-holiday visits.

How can I possibly be friends with these kind of people when you are normally being surrounded with passionate, committed, hard-working people? People smarter and wiser than you are, that you learned a great deal from? People so inspiring, that you are inspired to do your best in everything you do and finish what you started. People who have hopes in changing the world and actually doing something about it.

...

The three weeks that I had, was just enough to say hi and bye to the big family that I'm a part of and to the different circles of friends. Three weeks was barely enough time to go through the long 'what-to-eat' , 'where-to-go' and 'what-to-buy' lists that I have every time I come home. Three weeks is only three weekends.

The fact is, three weeks is not enough time to observe life in this city more than meets the eyes. To hold decent conversations about social economics issues, politics, environments. To understand what the hell is going on in this country and where is it going to. To hear other people's opinion about life and about world. To dig deeper.

I'm glad that I *finally* spent more than three weeks this time. The people I met and the conversations I had - have completely given me more hope of the potential of doing something meaningful and not being someone else just because of the environment around me . I'm glad that I had that 3-hour-coversation in a foodcourt talking about stuff other than shoes and dresses. Similar conversation that I used to have at 10 pm in the MC office. Random shit that opens mind and challenges your view.

I'm hoping that this continues on with different people at different time and place.

So, who moved my cheese?

No one. It just comes in different package.